MyMaria

Days pass and each day I think today I will write my eulogy to you. And still days pass. It’s not that I can’t think of what to say, no. It’s quite the contrary. There is so much to say to you. There’s nothing that you don’t know, but this isn’t really for you is it? It’s for all of us you’ve left behind. It’s for me. To say goodbye.

I didn’t think this would make me cry, because I haven’t cried that much. Well just a bit. But you’re immediately in my head, singing a naughty little ditty, making a quick witty joke, making me smile and then making me laugh out loud. People will think I’m a lunatic, crying and laughing to myself. You’d like that, you’d have something to say about that too. But this is making me cry. The photo I really want to put up is you in that panda suit, but it’s a bit out of focus because we’re laughing so much. Or you with a scarf over your forehead, swimming goggles and a COVID mask on, with your eyes all wide, looking like a ridiculous cartoon. Or the one you sent from your hospital bed, in our last WhatsApp chat, lying in a bed with a COVID mask on “getting drugged up” you said. And you said you were scared. So I sent you a video of the chickens sending you love. Little did I know that would be my last glimpse of you.

We had a memorial in our beOpen community – a community of psychics and animal communicators and sensitive people. Oh my goodness. I cannot believe how many people you touched myMaria. In the tiny time we’ve been a part of this community you’ve won the heart of every single person. I’ve never known anyone to be so universally loved. I am so humbled that I was a part of this, myMaria, witnessing what it truly means to shine your light. In the 18 months I knew you, every community you touched, the beOpen, the LEDA online challenge, they’ve all rallied around you and now mourn you as a sister, a comedian, a saint, a friend, a heroine, a compassionate and funny companion, a fierce fighter, an amazing animal communicator, a talented psychic and a budding medium. And now it’s so clear to me why we were blessed with you, why our community was your final resting place before you moved on – precisely because we’re psychics and mediums. We believe in life after death, we know the spirit lives on, we communicate with the spirits beyond, and we listen. And now you have an army of people who knew you, loved you, worshipped you in the flesh, and you can touch every single one of us forever! You have an army of people who can still hear you, through whom you can continue to shine your light. And your army have their very own angel, to support them when they doubt, to hold them when they waiver, to help them shine their own light. In life you gave us all the support we could ever ask for, and in death you have given us an angel for eternity.

I met Maria in my first animal communication lesson. A tiny little childlike figure, with big dark eyes, in a shadowy  room, propped up in bed, and on oxygen. I wondered who this strange little person was, but within days she was my closest friend in the world. COVID had just struck and we were all locked up. I saw nobody for months except this animal communication community on Zoom. And Maria. Maria was in Spain, I was in the UK, everyone else was in the US. Maria is half American but our Europeaness set us apart, and our timezones threw us together. Nearly every day we practised, we laughed, we cried, just the two of us or with other friends, hours of video chat several days a week. I’ve never spent that much time with anyone! We knew each other’s pets inside out, constantly reading them for practise, or just for each other.

Our teacher’s administrator was also called Kate, and our teacher Danielle, referred to her as “my Kate” to distinguish her from me, and immediately Maria claimed me as “her Kate” and I became “Maria’s Kate”. We both went on to the higher animal communication classes and the soul level psychic classes, and finally the soul level coaching. We coached each other, we dug into the darkest secrets of our souls and shared our deepest fears. All this time, I had just assumed that Maria and I would set up some sort of partnership once we stopped studying. With myMaria, I was invincible. Maria’s animal communication was incredible. Where I saw “a pot plant”, Maria would see archangels, gondolas, rainbows, clouds, angels, fairies, butterflies, birds, ribbon, and all to the music of a thousand piece orchestra, often with a few saints thrown in and yet Maria loved my readings. “I get all this fluff”, she’d say, “I wish I didn’t, you get the gold”. I didn’t want to believe her, such are my own demons, but actually I did, because whilst I knew she was my biggest fan, I also trusted her implicitly. We did our first tandem reading together for the community, and I wasn’t even nervous, with myMaria beside me I knew we’d be fine, and we were, we were so in tune with each other and making each other giggle, our vibrations soared and it was so much fun. Everybody, after that, called me Maria’s Kate.

I value funny above most things. Even, probably, kindness. But myMaria had everything. I have a 50+ years old friend who can text like a teenage girl, he’s so quick and can carry on multiple conversations, he’s both hilarious and slightly scary, but even he had nothing on Maria. Maria could look up an animated gif that summed up your comments that was not only appropriate, unique and eye-wateringly funny, but she could send it before you’d finished your sentence. I’ve never been a fan of theses types of media, but with Maria, I was hooked. The first one she sent, in one of our earliest chats,  when I said I used to cycle to work, before I even mentioned that I hated it, she’d sent a clip of a man throwing his bike into the crowds in a temper tantrum. It’s almost as if she were psychic. It pretty much summed up my feelings on bikes and I knew I had met my best friend. Maria was the funniest person I know. I’ve downloaded all our chats because you can’t get wit like that from just anybody. If ever I’m feeling a bit down about it, I just look at our chats. She had the quickest, sharpest wit I know, couple with a zany, unique sense of humour, I got her completely, and I was dazzled by her.

I struggled so hard to trust my growing abilities, and my negative beliefs kept getting in the way, but myMaria was always there to cheer me on. I  knew there was no bullshit with Maria, loving and compassionate she was, a lick-arse, she was not. Maria is one of the feistiest people I know. I didn’t ever really appreciate how sick she was, partly because she never complained, but mostly because she had so much fire in her soul that it was impossible to see her as anything but whole, robust and alive.

In one of the early soul level psychic readings you gave me, you saw us in the grass together, small children, little girls, messing about, playing, making daisy chains. That picture has stayed with me forever, I can’t remember the words, but I know that we have shared another life together, and I know we will continue to do so. The week just before you died I had that image again of you leading me gently by the hands, through the daisies, because with you by my side myMaria, I am invincible. And now I have you by my side forever, because I can feel you, I can hear you, I can see you. And if I should falter, if I should ever lose my faith, I know it will be you who picks me up and puts me back on the path. Because you believed in me. After you passed, every time I thought of you I could hear the song “Superstar” by RuPaul. You made me a superstar. I’d forgotten the other song, but you just reminded me – “Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London..”. I look at the last thing I sent you in WhatsApp. It reads “You took me by the hand and led me through the daisies…”.

And then you were gone.